NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
