We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
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