I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just want nice things and good sex
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
