I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
