i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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