you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
