I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
