sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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