Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
