somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
