My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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