I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
