after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
