On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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