You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
