I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
