my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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