that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
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Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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