i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
