it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
