he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
