i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
