Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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