allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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