the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
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dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
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I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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