So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
