i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
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Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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