He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
