I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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