And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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