Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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