i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
