i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just found puke in my bra..
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
