Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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