names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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