If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
