I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
