dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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