Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
