I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
