Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
