if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
