My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
