So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My vagina just clenched in fear
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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