You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
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while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Can you repeat that, but with context?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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