Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
