Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
