Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
