Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
