roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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