remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
