Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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