She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
