life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
