seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
