why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize