She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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