u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
