Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Even my vagina gasped.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
