do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
