all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
