is your mom at the bar?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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