Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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