called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
