I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Can I color on your dick again?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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