Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry Antoneal hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(573): View more from Missouri

shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.

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(248): View more from Michigan

remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite

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(513): View more from Ohio

im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.

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(206): View more from Washington

Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.

Fav 6 1953 1167
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(512): View more from Texas

If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.

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