they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
