By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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