I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
