Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This baby is an asshole
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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