i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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