I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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