I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
